My Children Friend Circle

Friends Circle

School inclusion is exciting in its promise of creating opportunities for all children, with and without disabilities, to learn and grow together. But you have to learn how to 

intentionally invite support and create ways for students to interact. For my son, building a Circle of Friends to encourage authentic social interaction and support has been absolutely necessary for his growth and for establishing an inclusive community environment. We are happy that we and his school created Circles of Friends and Peer Mentors early in elementary school for them.

Hanging Out and Helping Out

Some Circles of Friends end up being a little more on the therapy side. In this case, our main focus was for Child to have the opportunity to hang out with his peers. We were lucky in that some of the moms were into arts and crafts, and offered ideas and help in doing art projects together. One time the students made stuffed animals and delivered them to children who were in the hospital during the holidays.

Every once in a while, there’d be an opportunity to problem-solve around an issue. For example, in those early years, Children's speech were sometimes hard for others to understand. 

They wanted to connect with people but didn’t always know how to do that. They often would poke kids to get their attention. That was irritating to the kids. No one addressed it, resulting in the kids sometimes ignoring or keeping their distance from them.

In the Circle, with careful guidance by the social worker, the students were able to have a conversation about this issue. They acknowledged that all of us sometimes do things that are irritating, so initially, it was not “just about One.” Later, they gently discussed them use of poking to get others’ attention. The students decided that they would think about a way to signal to them that they needed a few minutes before they would respond back to him. They used a raised hand sign that would mean to they to stop and wait.

Then the Circle members role-played situations, taking turns about how to use the signal. They practiced it, and they had fun with it. The important lesson was that they “broke the silence” and found a healthy, safe way to acknowledge the issue and brainstorm kind ways to handle awkward situations. They also began to understand that the Circle was a safe place for them, and that There peers could support them as opposed to avoid them.

On to Middle School

And so, the Circle continued. The same kids weren’t in it every year or even every semester. When it came time for middle school, we invited parents of the Circle members to attend an informal gathering to share more about the Circle and to recruit their ideas about how to maintain it in middle school. We were pleased that parents attended. We unexpectedly learned how important the Circle was to their kids, and how much they liked it. They shared many great ideas about activities that could be planned for the Circle.

One person had a relationship with a business that had suites at the football stadium. The parent was able to get the business to donate the suite once a semester. The kids came, ate lots of food, and had the fun experience of watching the game from a suite.

Another person said, “I work at a senior citizen home. How about if the kids come once a month and play bingo?” The kids were given opportunities to hang out together. It wasn’t perfect, of course. There were many weekends when they didn’t have a lot to do. But there were more chances to socialize due to the intentional planning by students, the social worker, and the parents.

High School, College, and Beyond

The Circle continued in high school. They would meet with there speech therapist prior to Circle meetings and identify questions that he might ask to encourage a fun, healthy exchange of conversation. They later learned that all of the students found this informal pizza and talk time relaxing. they got a chance to hear what there peers liked doing and the range of activities they were engaged in. They joined in some of those activities.

They ware part of the first wave of students with intellectual disabilities who attended college. They continued to have a Circle and recruited students, faculty, and university staff. Again, members enjoyed gathering together for pizza and having conversations together as well as helping they get involved in campus activities.

The Circle played a vital role when they learned that the university denied them the chance to live on campus. It was the Circle that encouraged them to create a petition demanding that they right to live in the dorm be honored. Members of there Circle consistently share how these gatherings benefited everyone.