Kids Joke

Kids Joke

Laughter is the fireworks of the soul! The best jokes for kids in English have been compiled by us to hold your child’s attention. Jokes are simply the best for children for several reasons. Kids jokes not only add an interesting twist to the stories, but also help kids in remembering them. Good jokes or jokes with moral values help stimulating their mind! Children enjoy being told funny jokes but since their attention span is small, short jokes or single line jokes are a better way to catch their interest.

The Best kid’s jokes are that include animal jokes, holiday jokes, Internet jokes, scary jokes, school jokes, silly jokes, sports jokes, and much more.

 Animal Jokes

Where does fish keep their money?
In a river-bank!

When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
When you’re a mouse!

Why is it easy to spot Cinderella-fish?
They have glass flippers!

What steps will you take if a tiger is running towards you?
Of course big steps to run.

Which is the strongest animal?
A snail, because He always carries his house on his back!

How do prawns and clams communicate?
With shell-phones!

Why would an octopus vs. squid war be terrible?
Because they are both so well-armed!

What fur do we get from a Tiger?
As fur away as possible!

Why does the ocean twinkle at night?
It’s full of starfish!

What do you get when you cross an octopus and a cow?
An animal that can milk itself!

Why oysters do not share their pearls?
Because they are shellfish!

How do fish without cars get around?
Octo-bus!

What is common between a tree and a dog?
Both Dog and Tree lose their bark when they die.

What do bees do if they want to use public transport?
Wait at the buzz stop.

What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing?
Its shadow!

Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because it will take too long to iron!

What a dog will do when he loses his tail?
He will prefer to go to a re-tail store.

Why leopards can’t hide anywhere?
Because they are always spotted.

Do you know why bees just hum?
Because they don’t know how to say words!

Why the Teddy bears never feel hungry?
Because they are always stuffed!

 

the holiday jokes that fit the occasion. For additional fun as you spend the holidays with your loved ones, then make sure to include these funny holiday jokes in your get-together s.

We regularly add and update with new jokes. Find it from the list and use it to write a holiday letter or message to send to your friends and colleagues. Happy Holidays!

• Grey Hair
  
  Mona has a beautiful and naughty daughter called Sona. She is very naughty and mischievous. One day, the little Sona with great curiosity asked her mom, ‘Mamma why your hair is turning grey? I don’t like it.’
  
  Mona decided to teach her child about good behavior and replied, ‘Dear, my hair is turning grey only because of you. Whenever you do any bad action, one of my hairs will turn grey.’
  
  Sona was thinking for a while in silent and laughed loudly. Mom asked, what happened?
  
  Sona replied, ‘Momma now I understand why grandma’s hair is completely grey!’

• Missing Baggage
  
  Rosy just get off the flight and reached the baggage area to collect her luggage. She was a month’s tour to Europe and just returned home. She was very tensed as she could not find her luggage, where she had all the things shopped in the Europe. The tensed Rosy approached the baggage in-charge and informed that she arrived from France and she could not find her baggage in the carousel. The in-charge smiled and ask Rosy to stay calm. She informed Rosy that they were professionals with expert training and they would find her luggage and hand over it to her.
  
  Rosy was relaxed. The officer in-charge asked her about the color, number of bags, brand etc. Rosy replied.
  
  Finally, the officer in-charge asked her ‘Has your flight arrived?’ Rosy Fainted.

• Which song Tarzan like to sing on the Christmas day?
  Jungle Bells Jungle Bells!
  
  Turkey is not feeling hungry on the Thanksgiving Day, why?
  Because it is already stuffed!
  
  Why did the Christmas tree go to the barbershop before the Christmas eve?
  Because it want to get trimmed before the eve!
  
  Why did Joy put her girlfriend in jail on Valentine’s Day?
  Because she had stolen his heart!
  
  The telephone decided to propose his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day, how?
  He just gave her a ‘ring’!
  
  What do cows say on Christmas morning?
  Mooooey Christmas to all!
  
  What did Frankenstein said to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
  “Will you be my ‘valentine’?”
  
  When you cross a Christmas tree with an apple, you will get?
  A pineapple!
  
  A man shoplifted a calendar on Christmas Eve. What did he get?
  He got all the 12 months!
  
  How Thanksgiving Day differs from April Fool’s Day?
  One is the day of ‘thanks’ and another is the day of ‘pranks’
  
  What is the thing that often falls at the North Pole region, but it will never get hurt?
  It’s, Snow!
  
  Which is the key that has legs and can never be used to open a door?
  It’s a Turkey!
  
  What is the best thing which you can put into a Christmas cake?
  Your teeth!
  
  Johnny asked Jacob for a cigarette. Jacob Says, “I heard that you have made a New Year resolution to quit smoking habit”. Then Johnny replied, “Yes I have decided to quit this habit and I am in the process of quitting, right now I am in the second phase”. Then Jacob asked, “oh really, so what was the first phase?”
  Johnny simply says “I have just quit buying cigarettes”!!
  
  How to wish a bachelor on a Valentine’s Day?
  Just tell him ‘happy Independence day’!
  
  Why does the calendar seem so happy on a Valentine’s Day?
  Because he had a ‘date’!
  
  What did the bat said to his girlfriend on the Valentine’s Day?
  Dear, it is very fun to hang around with you!
  
  What type of Christmas candle burns longer, a green candle or a red candle?
  Neither, because candles always burn shorter!
  
  Jennifer was taking an afternoon sleep on New Year’s Eve prior to celebrations. When she woke up, she said George, her husband, that “dear, I dreamt that you have gifted me a diamond ring as a New year present. What does it all means?”
  George simply smiled and answered “wait dear, you will come to know tonight”.
  At midnight, when the New Year was chiming, George gifted her with a small package. Jennifer excitedly opened the package quickly and she found a book named “Dreams and the meaning of dreams”!!
  
  Snelly to Simon: “sorry, I cannot be your valentine for health reasons”
  Simon: “oh really, what happened?”
  Snelly: “yeah, because you have made me sick”!
  
  What did the Valentine’s Day card said secretly to the stamp?
  Stick with me always and we will go places!
  
  What did one snake said to another snake on Valentine’s Day?
  Dear, give me a sweet hug and ‘hiss’!
  
  Why is everyone so tired on April 1?
  Because they've just finished a long March!
  
  What's the difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool's Day?
  On one you're thankful and on the other you're prankful!
  
  Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas cake ?
  Your teeth!
  
  What did the Eskimos sing when they got there Christmas dinner?
  "Whale-meat again, don't know where, don't know when "!
  
  Dad: "Most people don't have to work today, because it's Labour Day."
  Son: "If they're not working, shouldn't it be `No-Labor Day?"
  
  What do you call a very small valentine?
  A Valentina!
  
  What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend?
  "Be my valentine!"
  
  Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank?
  It was a case of guppy love.
  
  What is the Easter Bunny's favorite kind of story?
  A cotton tale!
  
  How can you tell that you're getting old?
  You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!

 


scary jokes. These quips can make the situation and image of a dreadful animal lighter.
Ghosts, phantoms and beasts – these fearsome creatures are just some of the many stars of our scary jokes. Whether it is Halloween, or if you just want to creep your friends with an April fool’s prank, then you can get them startled and happy all at the same time with the help of our scary jokes.

What is a ghost’s favorite dish?
Ice-Scream!

Where did ghosts love to swim?
The Dead sea!

What did Dracula said about her new girlfriend?
Oh, she is my love at first bite!

How can you identify a ghost’s mom and dad?
They are transparent!

What kind of music ghosts love to hear?
Spiritual music!

Where did Mummy ghost take her baby ghost?
To the Day‘scare’!

Why don’t we see a bat alone?
Because bats always like to hang out with their friends!

Which sports vampires love to play?
‘Badminton!

Witches do not like to buy flat hats, why?
Because flat hats have no point on them!

Skeletons did not get the permission to play music on church, why?
Because they came without organs!

You can make a witch itch, how?
Just take out the ‘w’!

Why did the doctor called Dracula to the hospital?
Because Dracula owns a mobile blood unit!

Teenage ghosts love to dance with what type of music?
Soulless music!

What did the ghost gifted to his girlfriend?
Precious tombstone jewelry!

Why did the skeleton went to the Xmas party alone?
Because he could not find any ‘body’ to accompany him!
One of witch’s best friends is very good at cricket, who is he?
A bat!

Where did the ghost went to post his mail?
At the Ghost office!

How did the host suddenly turned to a scary one?
Just a letter ‘G’ is added!

Why did the police arrested the ghost?
Because he does not have a haunting license!

Why all the witches like to wander on brooms?
Because the vacuum cleaners are too expensive for them!

What do you call a skeleton that is always sleeping?
A lazy bone!

Dracula is a good artist, why?
Because he can draw blood well!

What was the topic in ghost’s seminar?
“Do you believe in people”?!

What type of trees ghost like more?
Ceme-trees!

The ghost’s new house has all rooms except one, which room?
The ‘living’ room!

Which is the favorite ride of baby ghosts?
The roller-ghosterr!

What was ghost ordered in the coffee shop?
Cold coffee with sugar and scream!

What will you say if your find a witch in a desert?
The Sandwich!

A ghost’s ship will never sink, why?
Because it always floats in the air!

What is the favorite dog breed of Dracula?
The blood hound!

Why did the skeleton feared to cross the road?
Because he has no guts!

Do you know how to reach the new apartment of Mr. Ghost?
Yes, just take the first right and go to the dead end!

Who is the ghost that lives in the Town Hall?
Oh, it is the night‘mayor’!

Salesman to Mrs. Monster: Ma’am this is a good book, it will definitely help your husband to get ahead.
Mrs. Monster: Oh thank you. But I don’t think he needs this. He has already got two heads!

During the Halloween party, the first prize for the best costume is given to a little boy. But he seems very unhappy. His friend asked him why he is so sad. The little boy replied that “oh, I just came here to pick up my sister”!

What is a witch with poison ivy called ?
An itchy witchy !

What's a cold, evil candle called ?
The wicked wick of the north !

What is evil, ugly and black and goes round and round ?
A witch in a revolving door !

What is evil and ugly on the inside and green on the outside ?
A witch dressed as a cucumber !

What happens if you see twin witches ?
You won't be able to see which witch is witch !

Why did the witch give up fortune telling ?
There was no future in it !

Why did the baby witch smile when she came out in blotches ?
Because it was an 'appy rash !

What does a witch get if she is a poor traveller ?
Broom sick !

How did the witch almost lose her baby ?
She didn't take it far enough into the woods !

Why did the stupid witch keep her clothes in the fridge ?
She liked to have something cool to slip into in the evenings !

School jokes.

When things get too serious, and if difficult exams bring your children down or classes seem boring, you can still fill fun and smile on your kids faces just by recalling some good school jokes.

If you are a teacher, you can help a student learn better by utilizing school jokes. Find and use of these funny quips to make the school hours more vibrant!

  

 Teacher: John, tell me your date of birth?
John: July 13th
Teacher: on which year?
John: it is in every year, Ma’am!

Teacher to students: can anyone tell a word which has more than 1000 letters in it?
Sam suddenly stands up and said “postbox”!

Why the music teacher did not able to open his room?
Because the keys were on his piano!

What will be a Math teacher’s favorite dish?
Pi!

What did a math book complained to another math book?
“Oh, I have tired of lot of problems”!

Teacher to John: “John, you have 6 apples in your plate and Sam took two among them, what would you get?”
John: “A fight”!

Can you find the longest table in the class room?
Sure, it is the multiplication table!

Why did Alvin take ladder to his school?
Because he wanted to reach to high school!

Jimmy to his class teacher: Ma’am, do you punish your students for things that they don’t do?
Teacher: No, Never
Jimmy: Thank you Ma’am, because I didn’t done my homework!

Teacher told Johnny to write an essay of 100 words. Johnny thought for a moment and stared to write. “I went to call my puppy in for the night and I called “puppy, puppy, puppy…..”.!

What are the letters that are always stays cool?
AC!

Teacher: which hand you used to write with?
Student: neither, I always use a pencil to write!

What is the difference between a teacher and train?
A teacher always says “spit your gum”, while the train says “chew chew chew…”!

What did the pencil said to other pencil?
Oh! You look so sharp!

Why did the class teacher always wear sunglasses?
Because her class was so bright!

What kind of school do giraffes like to go?
Only the High school!

What is the favorite subject of a witch?
Spell-ing!

Who is the king of all school supplies?
The Ruler!

David to Mom: Mom, I have got hundred in class test today
Mom: well done, in which?
David: I got a 40 in spelling and a 60 in reading!

Teacher to John: John, tell me the chemical formula of water?
John: Yes Ma’am, it is H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O!
Teacher: No, it is wrong
John: Ma’am, yesterday you taught that the formula is H to O!

Why the letter B is sitting so cool?
Because it is in between A and C!

Teacher to Danny: Danny, why you are not writing?
Danny: Ma’am, I don’t has a pen
Teacher: Danny, you said a wrong sentence. The correct form is I don’t have a pen, he doesn’t have a pen and we don’t have a pen.
Danny: oh Ma’am! Who stole all the pens then?!

Teacher: if you had 12 apples, 10 oranges, 5 pineapples, 15 strawberries, what would you have?
Student: A yummy fruit salad, Ma’am!

Teacher: which is the shortest of all the 12 months?
Student: May! Because it ‘May’ has only three letters!

Teacher: Tony, tell me a sentence starting with “I”
Tony: I is…
Teacher: No Tony, that is incorrect, say “I am…”
Tony: Okay Ma’am, “I am the 9th letter in the English alphabet series”!

Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me?

Teacher: You aren't paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing?
Pupil: No, teacher I'm having trouble listening!

What kinds of tests do they give witches?
Hex-aminations!

Father: What did the teacher think of your idea?
Son: She took it like a lamb
Teacher: Really?, what did she say?
Son: Baa!

What do history teachers make when they want to get together?
Dates!

What do they talk about?
The good old days!

Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea?
Pupil: Dead?, I didn't even know he was sick!

Whose son was Edward, the Black Prince?
Old King Coal!

Jokes on sports.

Not only are they hilarious, you can use these sports jokes as icebreakers in sports events, classes, coaching sessions, tournaments and competitions.

Go through these sports jokes and use it to motivate your children, fellow athletes and trainees or whatsoever is your purpose. Whenever you want to have thrice the fun in your sports events, make sure to add sports jokes.

• Why grasshopper not interested in football matches?
  They prefer cricket matches.
  
  What kind of tea do soccer players drink?
  Penal-tea
  
  Which race has no running?
  A swimming race.
  
  Why didn’t Mr. khan’s dog play football?
  Because it was a boxer
  
  A woman went to a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.
  Women: "It`s for my husband.
  Shopkeeper: "Did he tell you what type should buy?"
  Women: "Are you kidding?”,"He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him today!"
  
  A golfer after hitting a shot asked:
  Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving day by day?"
  Caddy: "Yes sir, you missed the ball much closer this time, getting closer day by day.”
  
  Which animal is the best hitter of baseball?
  The bat.
  
  Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to any of the music?
  "Because he always breaks the record."
  
  How did the football ground end up in a triangle?
  Somebody took a corner!
  
  What is common between a cricketer and a magician?
  Both do hattricks!
  
  Why do soccer players hold boot to their ear?
  Because soccer players like to hear the sole music!
  
  Which is the hardest part in skydiving?
  of course the ground!
  
  Why can’t you tell jokes while doing ice skating?
  Because the ice might crack up!
  
  Golfer: "I will move heaven and earth with this game of golf and will break all the records."
  Caddy: "Yeah Sure! Trying heaven will be better, because you have already moved most of the earth with this shot."
  
  A man entered a cool bar and ordered a milk shake, but suddenly he got a telephone call. So before attending call he took a napkin and wrote, “The World’s Strongest Weightlifter,” and left it under his glass to make sure nobody drinks his milk shake.
  But he was shocked when he returned, the glass was empty. Now at spot of old napkin there was a new napkin with new writing that said:
  “Thanks for the treat!”
  “The World’s Fastest Runner”
  
  Why are soccer grounds odd?
  It is because you can sit in the stands, but cant stand in the sits!
  
  Why the cricketer took a piece of rope while coming to the ground?
  Because he was the skipper of the team!